|
Check
out these funnies:
1.
Evolution of Dance: Evolution of dance
2.
Fruit Cake Lady: Fruit Cake Lady
3.
Daddy Care: Babies and Daddy
4. The
funniest of them all is this audio clip: Listen here~Mailman
Men
Wanna
renovate:
Submitted by Nolan Galley Youngville, LA
This picture is real - not doctored in
any way - and was taken by a Transportation Supervisor for a
company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber. When he
saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to
take pictures
The car is still running, as can be witnessed
by the exhaust.
The driver finally came back after the police were
called, and was found crouched behind the rear of the car,
attempting to cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police
stopped her and had the load removed .
The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager
said they made the customer sign a waiver.
While the plywood and 2X4's are fairly obvious, what
you can't see is the back seat, which contains - are you ready
for this? - 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each.
They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. Both back
tires exploded, the wheels bent and the rear shocks were driven
through the floorboard.
Women
Real stories, real laughter,
real women
Hillbilly Overalls
Want a pair? Just ask for the
Hillbilly Cut.
Yes,
the new one is out! Brand new edition of... "You know
you're a redneck when......
1.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same
tree.
2.
You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a
fly swatter.
3.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
4.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
5.
You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do
off the high dive.
6.
The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
7.You
offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they
don't want it.
8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
9.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
10.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
11.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
12.
Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas
list.
13.
You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
14.
You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting
dog.
15.
You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
16.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
17.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
18.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
19.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest-room's so
clean.
20.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
21.
You consider your license plate personalized because your
father made it.
22.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
23.
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say
"Cool Whip" on the side.
24.
The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000
worth of improvements.
28.
You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
29.
You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on
jury duty.
30.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65
Because you need it!
Hate your job, well then after reading this you might
reconsider!
I LOVE MY JOB . . . . . ..
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this
you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's
real! Next time you have a bad day
at work think of this guy.
Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global
Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore
drilling rigs.
Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She
then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne ,
Indiana , who was sponsoring a
worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling
brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know
you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would
share my dilemma with you to make
you realize it's not so bad after all ..
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I
first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the
sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of
year the water is quite cool.
So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered
industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks
the water out of the
sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a
garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds
like a darn good plan, and I've used it
several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start
working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet
suit. This floods my whole suit
with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden,
my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This
only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose
out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized
what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish
and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on
my back, the jellyfish
couldn't stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as
fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I
was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma
over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the
fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was
instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry
decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing
nothing but my brass
helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with
tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
cream and told me to rub it on my
butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days
because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work,
think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish
shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I
love my job, I love my job."
Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself,
is this a jellyfish bad day?
May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!
Biker And his Babe
10
Riches People In Tech
Ah, the memories. Bill Gates, known for so many years to be
(by far) the wealthiest person in the world, now has to settle
for second place, because a Mexican tycoon came in first (and
not by a small margin; Carlos Slim Helú beats him by over $8
billion).
Is this a sign that IT is yesterday’s news? Actually, no:
Carlos himself is a telecommunications magnate, and while the
top 10 list isn’t dominated by tech people, the top 100 still
has its fair share of geeks. With the web growing at a
miraculous pace, we’re hoping to see the Google founders
eventually joined by more web-based entrepreneurs, although the
desktop paradigm will likely remain strong for years to come.
Let’s take a look at the current list of top 10 wealthiest
people in IT.
Carlos Slim Helú
Net worth: $67.8 billion
Company: Telmex, América Móvil, Grupo Carso
What? Telecommunications are IT. The fact that Carlos Slim
may not be as known worldwide as some other people on this list
doesn’t mean he doesn’t pack 67.8 billion dollars. Add
Rupert Murdoch’s wealth to that of Bill Gates and they still
barely overtake Carlos, and that says a lot. If you wonder how
he got here so fast, it’s due to his company América Móvil’s
stock jumping a whopping 27% in the second quarter of 2007.
2. William H. Gates III
Net Worth: $59.2 billion
Company: Microsoft
Now you’re sorry you gave all that money to charity, eh
Bill? Being number two kinda sucks, but don’t worry,
Microsoft’s long term online strategy will…oh, wait. In any
case, Bill Gates has been numero uno for so long we were kinda
used to him in this spot. Frankly, we expected him to be
overtaken by those two kids from Google, but the telecoms
magnate instead reigned supreme. Bill is actually focused on
giving away his fortune to good causes from now on, and has said
previously that he doesn’t care much for being the richest man
in the world.
3. Lawrence Ellison
Net Worth: $21.5 billion
Company: Oracle
Oracle? Bo-ring. Ellison has been able to lurk near the top
10 overall for quite some time now, and although he’s slowly
slipping the ranks (at one point in time in 2000, he was the
richest man in the world), he’s still doing really, really
well. Well, what can you do: databases are always in fashion.
4. Paul Allen
Net Worth: $18.0 billion
Company: Microsoft
There was a time when Paul and Bill were both in the overall
top 10 list of billionaires, but this was a long, long time ago.
Now, Paul is at the 19th place overall and only fourth in IT,
with the Google guys breathing down his neck. His ties with
Microsoft aren’t so strong, and he sold some 68 million shares
of the company, which left him with a meager sum of 138 million
shares. He likes to invest in anything and anyone: real estate,
sports, even space programs. He’s also known for owning the
Octopus, the world’s fifth biggest yacht, as well as a couple
of smaller ones.
5 & 6. Sergey Brin & Larry Page
 
Net Worth: $16.6 billion (each)
Company: Google
We’ve put these two rascals together because their huge
wallets are the exact same size. Combine their wealth, and they
jump to number 3; I hope you guys realize why it’s bad to have
a co-founder? If you must have one, at least stab them in the
back and get rid of ‘em before you get wealthy, so you don’t
have to share. But, we digress. The fact that these sheer
billions originate from an algorithm and an almost blank white
web page with a colorful logo and a single form is still
astonishing.
7. Michael Dell
Net Worth: $15.8 billion
Company: Dell
When you count all the problems that Dell (the company) had,
it’s a wonder that it still manages to be the number one
hardware company in the world (or, if you ask HP, the number two
company). Michael is currently struggling to retain this
position as he took control of the company once again, replacing
Kevin Rollins at the beginning of this year, and the situation
is not too cheery at the moment, so you can expect Michael to
drop a position on this list real soon.
8. Steven Ballmer
Net Worth: $15.0 billion
Company: Microsoft
Developers developers developers! Laugh all you like (heck,
take a look at that
dancing video on YouTube again if you must), but he’s got
15 billion dollars, and you have to choose between the iPhone
and food for a month. Oh yeah, although he has money to burn,
Steve has an office smaller than my bathroom. Go figure.
9. Naguib Sawiris
Net Worth: $10.0 billion
Company: Orascom Telecom Holding
Naguib Sawiris is the chairman and CEO of Egypt’s Orascom
Telecom, a multinational GSM mobile phone operating in the
emerging markets of Middle East, Africa, and South Asia. As a
good indicator of just how fast these markets grow, just look at
Naguib’s last year position on Forbes’ list: 278.
10. Sunil Mittal
Net Worth: $9.5 billion
Company: Bharti Telecom
More proof that if you want to be a multi-billionaire, the
telecoms industry is where it’s at. Sunil Mittal is the
chairman and managing director of Bharti group, which runs
India’s largest GSM mobile phone service. Although Sunil has
nearly $9.5 billion dollars, he’s only the 6th richest Indian
in the world. Talk about fierce competition
Workstation
Efficiency
 Astrology
Click Here To See What It Is!!
Sun Signs
Use the zodiac symbols to go to that sun
sign's home page. |
http://astrology.yahoo.com/astrology
TODAY'S
HEADLINES in Humor!!!
 Rules
for women
RETIRED
HUSBAND AT WAL-MART
Dear Mrs. Fenton:
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been
causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate
this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire
family from shopping in any of our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance
equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling
from the trouble your husband has caused.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are
listed below:
MEMO: RE: Mr. Bill Fenton
Complaints - Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse
was shopping in our store:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly
put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in housewares
to go off at 5 minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what
happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to
put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign
to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping
department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if
they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help
him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave
me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera;
used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting
department, asked the clerk if he knows where the
antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously
loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced
his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK
ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the
loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And; last, but not least!
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the
door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There
is no toilet paper in here!"
| Today's
joke for this category |
Belle on the leash
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a
walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in
heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says,
"Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked
Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He
took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's
backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you
can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time
round the block."
The little girl left and returned a few minutes
later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked,
"Where's Belle?"
(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas
about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her
home."
Romantic Ideas & Gifts
Here is our list of the
10 most romantic ideas and gifts:
1. Something Original
Name a star after your sweetheart :
International
Star Registry 
2. Message In A Bottle
Romantic, mysterious, and intriguing :
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Message
3. Gold Roses
Real roses preserved in 24kt gold :
RomanceHer.com
LoveIsARose.com
4. Teddy Bears
Beautifully packaged, with personalized message :
Bear
Affection
5. Love Greeting Cards
Send a beautiful greeting card for free :
SuperLaugh.com
6. Flowers
Over 1000 flower arrangements online :
JustFlowers.com
7. Books
For "fairy tale" relationships :
Men
Made Easy
300
Creative Dates
Perfect
Love Letters
The
Woman Men Adore
Bring
Back A Lost Love
How
To Get Your Ex Back
Single
Man's Guide To Great Women
8. Engraved Gifts
Lockets, keepsake boxes, frames, candle holders, etc. :
(Gifts can be personalized, engraved, or monogrammed for no
extra charge. Enjoy free shipping on orders over $75.) Engravable
Gift Collection
9. Gourmet French Chocolates
Hand-crafted by world-champion, French artisans
(They claim to make the world's best chocolates) :
zChocolat
Learn about the various pieces :
zChocolates Guide
10. Online Massage Lessons
Step by step video instructions for a memorable massage
(15 Lesson Workshop, Limited Time Offer: $25 US) :
Learn Massage Online
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Dictionary
For Women
Dictionary for women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs
when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when
pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the
lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the
meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the
dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can
understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat
socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience
store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football
game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally
resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour
writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a
style you will never be able to duplicate again. See
"Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in
space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of
contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say
"focus,...breath...push..."
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the
beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would
wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go
somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place
with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating,
marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you
cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove
it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams
of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider
yourself lucky to get a card
Matrix
(This is hysterical after it loads hit start)
Desperate
Housewives Homepage
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Hurricane
Katrina
I
volunteered for the Red Cross as a nurse during Hurricane
Katrina while searching for some family members. The
memories that I have will always be engrained in my mind.
If you have any messages you would like to see posted for free
let me know and I will be glad to do so. Click
here for pics of Hurricane Katrina damage pics I took while on
duty there.
Thank
you so much for all your cards, letters and emails.
Email
Wembaster@Housewifetimes.com
or Hussy1953@aol.com
here
Sports
Page 
Brand New
for all of you sports enthusiasts! Just Click above to go
to our new Sports Page with tons of links just for you.
Enjoy!
 
All
new recipes! Lots and lots or research went into this one.
Check it out! Click
here!
Bored at
work and want some really cool mindless stress free games to
play then click
here and visit our Fun Stuff page!
New
Stuff
Wow
there was a lot of research here and a lot of 3:30 till 5 am
nights! But it was worth it and it is great! We appreciate
all the positive emails about the links and we will keep it
going! Click
here for more info!
Have
a business you want to advertise? Well you can't beat the
price right now, it's free! Just email us your info and we
will post in our advertisers section.
 
Does
anyone remember the art of letter writing instead of emailing?
Well here is your chance to bring back the old charm.
Check out our site and send in your info and we will post you to
the Pen Pals Site. It is sure bringing in the mail! Click
here for more!
Do
you need to sell your house but
can't afford to pay the real estate commission or just want to
do it yourself?
Well here
is a great
way. Just list your house on our site for 30 days with 4
color photos. When someone calls about your newspaper ad
just refer them to the site with your pictures and it will help
eliminate a lot of lookers and get buyers! Email us with
your info and we will get back to you asap.
Click
here for more info!
Bill
Gates reportedly compared the computer industry
with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up
with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving twenty-five-dollar cars that get
1,000 miles to the gallon."
Read
More!
Lots
of brand new links to tons of computer magazines and programming
links for programmers!
You
have got to check this out for the newest Bill
Gates
info.
Make
sure you are in a place where laughter (quite severe) may not
affect your co-workers!
Click
here for more info!
 
No
I wasn't necessarily talking to you. Although, hmmmm!
Well anyways, do you have something you would like to share with
us. Just email us the info and we will post. Click
here for more!
This
column is written by a young man who wishes to remain anonymous
and is studying to be a Pastor. There is a poem here to
read if you are having a really bad day and it will soothe your
soul! Click
here for more!
September
11, 2001
Click
here to remember!
Do
Not Forget Them!
Please
take a moment to click above and read my poem and read the names
of those who lost their lives on 9-11-01.
British
Tribute The
Brits sure did hang with us when we needed them. They
stepped up to the plate when Iraq was first going on and they
really deserve our respect and admiration. I think Tony
Blair is a great leader. Queen Elizabeth has definitely
made her mark in history for the positive also.
What are you thankful
for? Let us know? If you have anything you would
like to see here just email us!
Check
out about what your Haircolor says about you! Click Here!
 New
On-LineAuction
Well
just email me anything you would like to put on the auction with
the info!
We
have lots of new posters and stuff on Dune Buggy Alley! Click
here for more info!
Yes
that is right. Order anything you like and the shipping is
all taken care of by us! Our new country gift shop will be
up and running soon. Send us emails of what you would like
to see here!
Click
here for more!
 
We have
certainly been busy here! If you would like to see
something posted here please email us and we will be glad to put
it up! We have lots of new links for veterans and active
duty alike! Check out original Vietnam pics from 1968! Pics
of the original China Beach, Phu Bai, Rice Patties, etc.
Check
it out!
 Well
Baby Boomers listen up, we have lots of new music just for you
and it keeps on coming! Got any requests that you want us
to find or hear, then just
email
us!
It
is about How To Survive Our Times!
Boy did I have fun researching this one. The only problem
you may have is severe laughter. So get that kleenex
ready! If you want to see the ideal workspace according to
'Dilbert' read on. Also take the stress test for 2002!
Hope you enjoy! Click
here to read this page!!!!
Do
you love Lucy & Desi? Well so do we! Find great
pics and posters on this page and also you have to hear the Vita
wav! Click
here!
Yes we
finally figured out how to do it! Boy we were surprised
too! So far we have sold 32 items for interneters on these
pages. Just select what you like and then email!
It's that simple. You
wanna see?
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